With Easter and the timely topic of resurrection, I have decided to share parts of the story of my mother's passing and how her crossing has improved our relationship.
First, many of us do not enjoy an "ideal" relationship with our parents. What we do have are tailored opportunities for personal growth. As children, then teenagers and young adults, we can find ourselves challenged by the one person we, as a society, associate with unconditional love, our mother. When this happens, your choices are to become the critical reflection of your mother's story for you or to create your own reflection from what you instinctively know to be true. The third choice would be to reflect back compassion and understanding for the woman who gave you life, but again, most of us need to experience the journey before arriving to this ultimate destination.
I sensed that something was not quite right with my relationship with my parents and, most importantly, the one with my mother. When I was about six years old, I actually thought I was adopted, because I "felt" a difference in her energy when she addressed me compared to the way she was with my two younger siblings. 15 years later, while washing dishes at her home in France, my grandmother began speaking to me about the circumstances of my birth. She had no clue that I knew nothing of the events, because my parents had never spoken of it in Canada, where we were raised.
In today's terms, a shotgun wedding when you are seven months pregnant is much less of a necessity, since single parents are now a common, if not accepted, occurrence in our society. With this information, my grandmother gave me the last piece of the puzzle that had been missing. Now I could finally understand the mixed messages I was receiving when I interacted with my mother. Unfortunately, I was never able to have the "conversation" with her in the 20 plus years that followed. Although we spoke intermittently and like polite strangers over the phone, during the last four years of her life she refused to see me. The last time I was in her physical presence was a week before she crossed over at the age of 63. She was in so much pain that all she wanted to know was when she would "die". I told her that she would pass within a week (which she subsequently did) and that I would see her again.
Although I knew this to be true because of my own NDE (near death experience) as a teenager, I also believed, at the time, that I would have to make peace with our missed opportunity to clear the air between us. Seven days later, I received a call from my mother's best friend who lives in South Africa. It had been more than 26 years since I had seen this kind and elegant woman and I did not know if I could have a conversation about my mother with my emotions still in flux. To my surprise, my mother's friend began to relate to me her story about her own parents who had passed and with whom she did not get along. As she spoke, I felt a spiritual permission being given for me to both honor and release my own frustration, guilt, hurt, anger and sadness. She spoke to me for more than 90 minutes. After we hung up, it dawned on me that I had just had the "talk" that I had wished for and I wondered if my mother had arranged this phone call from the other side. So, I asked her for a sign.
The next day at work, I began scanning orders with a supplier who was normally assigned to my coworker currently out on sick leave. As I prepared to call them, I noticed the telephone number was exactly my parents's phone number except for one digit and the company address was on my parent's residential street. Surprised and curious, I ended up speaking with the consultant who was both the go-between for our marketing supplies company and one of my my parent's neighbors working from her home office. When I finally hung up the phone, I glanced at the name of the company on my computer screen. With a laugh and heartfelt emotions, I read "Celestial Expressions Incorporated".
After this amazing example of conversation and validation from the other side, my mother and I have shifted our relationship to one of greater understanding, compassion and love. Whenever I am sharing my story with her to help someone else, I feel her energy smiling at my efforts to better understand the parent soul's choice in playing the role which best sets the stage for their child soul's learning and growth in this lifetime.
I wish you inner peace and harmony during this reflective holiday weekend about life's most important teaching, the infinite bond which connects all of us, unconditional Love.